There and Back Again: New York

Right now, as I am typing this, I am about 32,000 feet in the air. Specifically, on an American Airlines flight back to Chicago from New York. In less than a week, I will be on another American Airlines flight to New York; a day after that, I will be on a flight back to Chicago. The cause? Callback interviews.

I had a callback interview with a prominent New York firm earlier today. For those of you who do not speak law student, a "callback" interview is the second round of interviews for a summer firm job. Again, shades of sorority rush: after the first "round" of OCI interviews at the school, we minions will get invited (or not) by firms to interview again, this time in the specific office for which we applied, which for me was the New York office. All expenses paid, too. This, of course, is only if they liked you the first time around. Interestingly, the two (and so far only) callbacks I got were with the last two firms I interviewed with. So I guess, like a fine wine, I get better with time?

So, yesterday after my morning class, I headed over to the hell-place (also known as O'Hare International Airport), and got on a flight out to New York. Which was delayed. But since O'Hare is a vortex where timeliness goes to die, this was not unexpected. The flight was otherwise uneventful. Which is the best kind of flight, really. The one good thing about the lateness, though, was that I got to see a really cool sunset over the Manhattan skyline as we were landing. That was pretty sweet. I dunno-- just flying over New York and landing at the airport, seeing from the window all these things I had come to know this summer, I got really, really excited to be back. It was a very similar feeling to the one you get when you go home to see family after a long absence. So I think that says something about what I want, where I want to be. Also, thank god things in New York are open late. I was still able to get a real dinner. A city that never sleeps: My kind of town.

Also proving that my life actually is Groundhog Day, once in New York I found myself again in Times Square (seriously, why do I always end up in Times Square?), where the hotel was located (for a nostalgia connection, it was a hotel right across from the theatre where by boyfriend and I saw Porgy and Bess one of the times he came out to visit me while I was working in the city this summer). This was actually a logical placement, as the firm was located just off of Times Square, at 51st and 7th-- within walking distance.

The hotel was very nice-- très modern, suitably trendy. I wish I could say I got a decent night's sleep, but there was this really low like throbbing vibrating noise-- from whence it came I do not know-- that I could both hear AND feel in my bed. So that was weird. And prevented me from sleeping for a long while.

The actual interview was just OK. It got off to a kind of rocky start: I got to the building right on time, but then went to the wrong floor (the firm apparently takes up several floors, and when I saw this one guy get off at a lower floor with the firm signage, I assumed that was the floor. I was wrong, and ended up putzing on the wrong floor for several minutes, confusedly, until I was able to find someone to direct me upstairs. Needless to say, this made me a few minutes late to the interview, which is never a good way to start things out, and I felt like a putz. I wish there was a way to signal to people that my dingy-ness is really just confined to things like directions and mundane everyday life details, but doesn't translate into my work. When I am not in a focused "work" situation, I think I live in my head a lot, thinking about what I need to do, considering my work and obligations as I go about the day, and thus miss the everyday random life details. Like what floor to go to. Legally blonde, indeed.

Callback interviews are kind of like OCI interviews with a firm, on steroids. Instead of interviewing with one or two people at once, one time, you go through a succession of people-- in my case, four-- one at a time. The lawyers you meet with run the gamut from 2nd or 3rd year associates, all the way to partners. If you don't know what this means, don't worry, it is not really important. Seeing as how it seems unprofessional to go into details about the individual interviews on a blog (even an anonymous blog), all I will say is that I thought a couple of the interviews went well, a couple were a little more lukewarm. So we shall see how it all pans out. I am not really holding my breath, due to the wrong-floor snafu, but you never know. It's too bad too-- everyone I spoke with sung nothing but praises about the firm's work environment, like the fact that everyone cooperates with everyone and gets on with everyone, and are generally on friendly terms, not just professional terms. As one interviewer put it, there isn't really any "yelling." The cooperative and congenial atmosphere at Northwestern is something that I have really valued and benefited from as a student, and would love to work at a place that is similar. Alas.

After the interview, I went to a Starbucks and sat there for a couple hours doing work and taking a phone call for another project I am working on. After that, I had a couple hours to kill, so I putz'd around Hell's Kitchen for a while, checking out some of the indie shops. It wasn't a neighborhood I spent a lot of time in while I was in New York this summer, so it was nice to get to see a couple new things.

And now here I am, heading back to Chicago. We are in theory landing in like 40 minutes. Due to the nature of where I am seated and the internet on-board, I can't post pictures, but I did take some while I was walking around the city. When I get back to Chicago I will edit this post and add them. I have to say though, getting wifi on a plane is pretty baller. Even if I had to pay $10 for it.

Ah, New York City. Love to see you, hate to watch you go. Until next time... in about four days.

On a completely unrelated note, looking out my window to the left, I am seeing lightening over the horizon. This is not disconcerting at all...

It's the Beginning of the End

Today was my last day of my internship. Technically I am not done, because I need to finish a project (as it would be a shitty thing to just not finish something). But still, last official day of work. Turned in my security badge and all. Really kind of sad. I have enjoyed this summer, and have enjoyed being a "working girl." Much more fulfilling than being a student. In all, it was a great experience, and extremely eye-opening. I still can't believe some of the things I have seen, that people really act like the (we think--we would be wrong) exaggerated criminals we see on TV. I hope that one day this can be my life. Tiring, a lot of work, but fascinating. Particularly once you get into court, which happens a hell of a lot more often in the public sector than in private practice.

At any rate, I have to finish this project. I probably should have worked on it tonight, but I was just so tired from the week, and staying up late every night. Will work on it tomorrow, hopefully finish. Then I will have to decide what I want to do for the next few days, before I leave New York. Depending on the weather, I think I am going to try to hit Coney Island on Monday or Tuesday. I am a sucker for amusement parks, and it is a fairly big New York "thing" to do (incidentally, I went to Central Park over the weekend to go on the carnival rides, but upon closer look...they really are just kind of kiddie rides. I am more of a throw-em-up-spin-em-around kind of gal, so it didn't really cut it and I didn't go on. Rather disappointing). I may also try to hit up the Bronx Zoo and the Aquarium...but I am kind of terrified of the Bronx. Although, given what has been going on in Chicago lately (namely, violent "flash mobs" of ghetto kids beating up on people in the tourist areas), maybe the Bronx is safer. Except not really.

I got my On-campus interview schedule today. For those of you not in the legal field, OCI is an annual ritual that all rising 2Ls go through before the start of the year, to determine if they will be going to work at a "Biglaw" firm in the summer after their second year (and, assuming a job well done, an offer for permanent employment upon graduation and successful completion of the Bar exam). I exclusively applied to firms in New York and Washington, DC. Which lead to an interesting conversation with my boyfriend. Jesus this thing is basically Sorority Rush, except with suits and not cocktail dresses. As per NALP guidelines (don't ask), I don't think I can (and really shouldn't anyway) go into details at this stage; suffice it to say that there are several days of going to multiple 20-minute interviews with representatives of the different organizations. Which is also basically the definition of sorority rush, at least at Northwestern. Well, at least I have good practice.

Man, I can't believe it is only a few more days. Sad. I really like New York; I am sad to see it go. I am sad to see myself go. I will be updating the blog about my final days in the Big Apple. I will also blog (probably tomorrow) about what I did last weekend; was going to tonight, but too tired.

Anyway, in tribute to the fun (and sometimes challenging), and ultimately rewarding times this city has given me over the last couple months, here is a YouTube video of Empire State of Mind. I listened to this song when I found out I would be in NYC for the summer, so it seems fitting for the twilight of my time here. Enjoy.

I also need to locate a shipping box, packing tape, and some packing padding. I bought some stuff while I was here, but considering I was already maxed out on my weight limits flying out here, will need to send things ahead to Chicago. Plus, I am not sure I could physically fit anymore into what was already in my suitcases. Here's to hoping there is a UPS store or something.

And finally, some random thoughts I had today, that I thought were interesting enough to share:

First, some professor at U.C. Riverside is getting five million dollars to study ("scientifically") if there is life after death. Uh, pretty sure you can't really prove that one there, Skipper (in a factual sense, not talking faith here people). Unless this guy knows something we don't, we don't even have the technology it would take to cross whatever physical and temporal dimensions stand between our life and eternity, if such an eternity or afterlife even exists. Sylvia Brown's contentions aside, there is no real way for us to access the "other side" without croaking ourselves, at which point it would then be impossible to furnish physical (non-ghost-like, which doesn't last anyway) evidence of such an existence to the living. Aka, it's impossible. I am all for humanities getting funding (because it *all* goes towards like, pharma research), but couldn't it go towards something more realistically obtainable?

Second, (and this is real random-- thought of it while I was reading an article about STDs. Don't ask. And no, I don't have any) but have you ever noticed that a disproportionate number of creative geniuses (or "geniuses" in other, non-IQ type ways) back in the day had syphillis? I'm serious. There is a lot of scholarly research that while perhaps already gifted, people like Van Gogh and Beethoven reached the height of their genius while under the peak influence of syphillis' influence. Right before they descended into madness and death. If guaranteed to produce the next Ode to Joy as a side effect of the illness's brain-screwing, would someone willingly get syphillis? Despite people's probable initial reaction of "hell-to-the-damn-no," I don't think it is necessarily as obvious a "no" as people might first think. While somewhat extreme, what's the old saying, "it's not the years in your life, but the life in your years?" Not that I want to run out and get a nasty STD, but it does make you think. Creating a lasting piece of genius, or changing the world, is -- so far as we know anyway-- the only real way to achieve any kind of immortality. Making your mark lets an individual "live on" by having a place in the world's collective memory. Look at the ancient Egyptian pharaohs: they built those tombs now on display for all the world to see, and underwent elaborate burial practices so that they could forever live on after death in a new world. And through our knowledge and study of them through the elaborate and intentionally-preserved artificats they left behind, in a way, they have.

SMASH

Another day, still uploading music to my mom's iTunes. Didn't know this was going to be such an epic project. And that's just the upload. Then there is the condensation of file memory so it can fit on her iPhone, then there is getting the album art, then there is making sure everything is set up and labeled right. Oy. No wonder I have been up until the wee hours several nights now. I didn't think it was possible, but she has more music than I do.

So, in my hours of fun around the computer, I have started watching online episodes of TV shows. Like, what else am I going to do? The first show I started watching was Duck Dynasty. And all I have to say is, wow. You know that old TV show, The Beverly Hillbillies? This is like a real-life version of that. Basically, it is a reality TV show about self-described rednecks living in Louisiana, who happen to be loaded. Because they made a crapton of money...manufacturing duck call whistles for hunting...yeah. Anyway, it is sort of nouveau riche taken to the extremes. A very awkward-but-hilarious blend of having a lot of money and doing the things people do when they have a lot of money (like buy wineries, except these guys don't know how to make wine or really anything about it), and your stereotypical "redneck" behavior (like trying to get fresh honey from a wild beehive. An alligator in the backyard also made an appearance). I can't really describe it as words don't do it justice; it is hilarious, but you need to watch the show to really "get" it. Also,for guys who look not-so-far removed from your average mountain men, the two brothers who run the company, Duck Commander, have like, hot wives. I guess that is what being a CEO of a successful company will do for you.

The other show that I have gotten into while doing this project, is SMASH (I am only on episode 11, so don't say what happens). I have to say, I really like it. But maybe that is just because I find it relatable. For those of you not familiar with the show, it is basically about people trying to put together a show and get it produced on Broadway. Once upon a time -- aka, high school -- I did theatre. And I hang out around a lot of theatre people, or theater groupies. So I find it to be a fairly accurate reflection of what little time I spent in and around the "scene." Ah, theater. What is the old saying? "You can take people out of high school, but you can't take high school out of people?" But, I think I am being too harsh on the theatre world. I think the big joke on all of us is, life is really high school. Whether it is backstage drama, or office politics, or whatever; we thought we graduated into a more sane, mature world. But no. Dun dun dun! Maybe that is why people end up settling down, starting families, etc.: they are trying to escape the madness. Of course, as we all know, family comes with its own share of drama. So anyway, here is my reaction to the show so far (WARNING! Some spoilers below):

1. I like Karen's character alright, she's nice enough, but I think she is really kind of flat, and remains naive. Like, I am on episode 11, and of all the characters, I think she has developed the least. She kind of just goes around in a newbie daze, and things (usually positive) just kind of...happen to her. Maybe it is because she is nice. But, it just seems a little flat. She isn't the character I end up rooting for, in the end, because you don't believe she really has anything at stake.

2. I like Ivy's character. At first you really don't, because she is a kniving bitch. But then you see why. And, at least I feel bad for her, because she kind of has a point. She's been striving and struggling in Broadway for years, and is way more "Marilyn"-esque than Karen, and I think is just as talented. But she kind of gets the shaft everywhere. So I understand and appreciate why she would play hardball. Of course, I also think Miranda Priestly (of The Devil Wears Prada fame) is a good roll model for the business world (as long as you can leave that persona at the door when you go home at night). But, I don't appreciate the direction the writers are going in. Like, turning her into Marilyn/having her life parallel Marilyn Monroe's, with the love-life drama, the pills, the crazy mother, etc. I think it feels kind of gimmicky. But what do I know?

3. Debra Messing's character: SELF CONTROL, DEBRA MESSING. HAVE SOME. Although I can't really blame her. She tried for like 3 or 4 episodes to get her old flame (with whom she had had an affair, it is revealed, five years previous to the world of this show)to back the F off, but he wouldn't take a hint, and actively pushed himself on her to reignite the old flame, even though she was very clear at the beginning that it was a bad idea and did not want to go there. By episode 11, the cat is out of the bag, and her home life and family life is in shambles, while the flame's is just fine. And he kind of just shrugs it off as, "Oh it was a mistake, I love my family, blah blah." Asshole. But it seems like everyone in the show, in some way, is attracted to someone they cannot have, often while in a relationship with someone else. In fact, some iteration of that exists for every main character. Maybe that is what the show is about, in the end: wanting what you can't have-- whether it is fame, a part, a lover. Perhaps that is ultimately the human condition. And, for the record, it sucks.

4. Uma Thurmond (aka in the show as Rebecca Duvall) as Marilyn? Really? But again, maybe that is the point. Although at the end of episode 11, she kind of has a breakthrough and stops sucking as much (once everyone gets over their star-struck, "yes-men" ways). Will be interesting to see what happens.

Also, as a side note: I wonder if my life in New York (for the next 10 weeks starting Sunday) will be this eventful and interesting? Probably not, as we have already established that my life is boring.

Speaking of wanting what you can't have, I heard from that job with which I interviewed. No go. Can't really say I am surprised. I think I may have come off as directionless once I explained why I was going to leave law school, and what I wanted to do in life. Which I guess is a fair assessment, since I am feeling rather directionless. Maybe this is another sign, as I have applied to probably 30 jobs, only got one interview, and didn't get the job. Maybe I should stop looking for signs. So, it looks as if my parents are going to get their wish by proxy, as I am not going to leave law school to work at McDonald's. I was only going to leave if I got an actual, responsible job. Incidentally, Mom took me shopping yesterday and I got several hundred dollars worth of clothes. I think it was a pretty explicit enticement for me to not leave law school. But again, as per above, she probably didn't need to do that. I do appreciate having new clothes, anyway. Although getting all of this to NY and then back to Chicago will be interesting.

That's all, folks. Back to CD uploading.

PS: I know I am late to the party on this (I am always late to the party on these things), but ADELE's album 21 is really good. I downloaded the other night, and cannot stop listening to it. Finally, someone who can sing without auto-tune!

Nights in White Satin

Unintended hiatus from blogging for the last few days, but honestly, not much has happened of note.

I did go hiking with my friend and her mom, which was awesome. It was on this private farm property up in Woodside, and for the art history geek in me, it was pretty sweet. The people who owned the many acres of farmage had statutes and other works of sculpture lining all of the hiking trails. It was super cool, and I learned yet another important life lesson: don't miss opportunities to experience life, to "work." My friend and I then went to see the new Johnny Depp movie, Dark Shadows. It was alright; it had all the ingredients to be a good movie (intriguing premise, source material, good actors, comedy potential, good production value), but suffered from a weak script. It seemed like the writers were suffering from trying to cram four years of the original show's plots and sub-plots into 90 minutes. This lead to a lack of character development outside of Johnny Depp's character, and none of the interpersonal relationships really went anywhere. Would have been better if they simplified it down to one or two central plots. The first half of the movie was the best, because it had all of the gags, riffing on some guy from the 1790s suddenly being plopped into the 1970s... Incidentally, ever since I watched that movie, I can't stop listening to 60s and 70s era music. Like, Nights in White Satin by the Moody Blues in particular. Which I never really liked before. I don't know; movies with flawed/tortured yet somehow endearing male leads have weird effects on me.

In other news, my parents got home on Sunday. Everything on that front has been fine; no inherent awkwardness over the whole boyfriend-living-with-me thing. Incidentally, albeit with some parental coaxing, a bit of my old self (read: competitive) came out, and for some insane reason I decided to try to finish the writing competition, even without the damn book that I needed. Initially I had given up, because I knew that to try to do the write-on without all the needed material would be insane. If I am honest with myself, I think I did it because if Hell freezes over and I actually get on one of the journals, I will have hardcore bragging rights of, "I did this in 1.5 days, while y'all did it in 6." Needless to say, it was a cluster. I went down to my dad's office to work on it (because we don't have functional scanners at my parents' house, a clutch element of the competition). We didn't leave there until almost 3AM, and I was working right up until 6:55AM on Tuesday, 5 minutes before it was due. During the day, there was some hardcore scrambling to find this stupid Texas Law Review Manual of Style. By scrambling, I mean there was some Kristin-running-around-her-parents'-old-law-school to try to find this book, photocopying 2/3 of the 19th edition of the Bluebook because I couldn't check it out of the law library (that was the other good news-- I figured out that I had also forgotten my Bluebook in Chicago. Whomp.), working out of an 18th edition Bluebook (one edition older than the current one) borrowed from one of the associates at my dad's firm. Never did find it, said Screw It, and went on without it. I am pretty sure the editing portion of my submission is crap. But, I do think I managed to eek out a decent case note portion, so we shall see. I think my doing this was a latent variation on something I had always wanted to do: namely, in high school I considered trying to apply to Harvard. I had no real emotional investment in it; at the time, an Ivy League school was not what I wanted out of undergrad. But I was always curious about whether or not I could get in. Didn't ever apply to find out. This, I think, was kind of like that. But, if I do get a journal membership offer, apparently it will generally carry over if I leave school and then decide to come back. So, that's something.

Other than that, nothing new to report. Still no job offers, still no new interviews. I am starting to lose hope. I would really like the job I interviewed for last week, but it is starting to look like that won't happen. Oy. I just would really like some time to not be a student, and to start making my own money, and live like a real young adult, not one that is still dependent on her parents and the government. I would also like to start paying down my student loans because, let's face it, debt sucks. I can't tell you how much I want to start being my own person, and shaping my own life, and I cannot do that while I am a student-- at least, while I am a student who has never been anything else. But, it looks as if fate has other plans. I don't know what else to do. The kicker is, I really do think I am actually qualified for the jobs to which I have applied; I don't know what the problem is.

So, that was this week. Nothing exciting, really. My parents were out again this evening, so I took the opportunity to go to dinner on my own and have some "me" time. And by "me" time, I mean drive around for a while. Every time I need to think-- or to remember-- if I have the chance, I get in my car and turn up the tunage and drive for a while. I have a special route that I go on-- that will remain secret to me-- always the same route. So anyway, I was on this route tonight, and was just thinking. I wish I were more like I was in high school. I realize that back then, I was just generally a more chill and, I think, nicer person. Since college, I just get a lot more pissed off at things, at people, just in general. Perhaps it is because college exposes you to more of the world, and much of what I see... just disappoints me, more than anything. I remember when I was 16, 17, 18, I would move heaven and earth to do right by people, to be there. Now, I just don't have a lot of that feeling left. And I feel it, I feel what is lacking by not having that in me anymore. But, I just can't muster it. Who knows what happened; perhaps what Alyson Sheedy said in The Breakfast Club is right: "When you grow up, your heart dies." But then, the rest of that exchange is equally true for me: "Who cares?" "I care."

Of course, all of this (pensive, brooding thinking; endless Nights in White Satin listening) could be the result of the fact that, for a variety of reasons, being back home in California can mess with my head.

I Got a Bite! Aka, an Interview

Haven't written for a few days... a few hectic days... but I do have life updates!

First, I am free!! Well, sort of. I finished my last final on Monday, so I can officially kiss 1L good bye (and good riddance!). Alas, I still have the writing competition, which will suck up the next four days of my life. I am also back in California at my parent's house for the next couple weeks. Since they are currently in Phoenix at some...thing... for my dad's firm, I have the house to myself. Which would be more exciting, if I were more exciting. Right now, it has been me hanging out with the dog, Coco, and starting writing competition. Par-tay.

Also on Monday, I got a call from one of the *many* jobs to which I have been applying. It is essentially a PR position with a well-known academic institution in the city, and would primarily involve me writing, editing and forwarding PR announcements, letters, etc. There apparently would also be some travel-around-the-country involved (which, as someone who likes to be on the move, I am A-OK with this).

The phone interview for the job was on Tuesday. I think it went well, although it is always hard to tell on phone interviews, because you can't "read" the other person's body language. It went on for a half hour, and I made the lady laugh a couple times. I guess that is a good sign? And of course, I had to talk about the whole I-have-been-in-law-school-for-a-year thing. I was kind of worried about that... how do you talk about that without being awkward/sounding like a cop-out/lazy person/not dedicated person/flake? But, I decided that the best way to address it, was to hit it head-on, and just be honest and frank. Hopefully it worked, and wasn't awkward. The thing about awkwardness, though, that I have figured out, is that it is what you make of it. If you are self-conscious, if you focus on how "awkward" a situation is or will be, it will be awkward. It is like a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you go in with an attitude, of "Fuck it, I am here and this is happening," things actually tend to work out better. I compare situations where I have been self-concious, and situations where I...focus on other things... 9 time out of 10, the latter works out better.

At any rate, the job sounds like it would be interesting, fun, and definitely a much needed change of pace, while still allowing me to use and further develop skills I like to use (namely, writing, research, public speaking). And it pays pretty decently, too, which is always a plus. The lady interviewing me asked me what my "salary expectations" were for the positions. Salary expectations? Lady, I haven't had a real job except for working at summer camps and Toys R Us. Right now, as a student, I make negative income. ANY income would be a marked improvement. Not having to be on food stamps would be nice, beyond that anything else is a bonus. When she asked me to ballpark, I think I said something around 25K/year. It actually pays substantially more than that. Which is nice. I hope I get to the second round of interviews, because I think this would be a good opportunity for me. A good way for me to not be a student.

Which brings me to my next point. I saw my regular, California primary care doctor today, to ask her why she thinks my immune system has gone on an extended holiday. Her thoughts? Basically, she thinks my sleep disorder, while probably a disorder, was actually my body *needing* all that extra sleep to function. While most of the population does just dandy on 7-8 hours of sleep a night, some people need more. Like, perhaps my body does need 10 hours of sleep to function properly. Since I have been on the anti-sleepy drug, I have been feeling energized on the typical 7-8 hours, but she thinks that it might be masking my getting sleep deprived. And the no. one cause of immune system crashing, is not enough sleep. Awesome.

Well, that is all very well and good, and probably true. But unfortunately, the world isn't made for people who need ten hours of sleep a night. Particularly not law school, and particularly not the legal profession in general, where people tend to be over-worked and under a lot of stress. My doctor's opinion was, that to get through law school, I would just have to get more sleep at night, meaning that I would have to cut out most socializing, so that I could get all that work done early, go to bed, etc., etc. Which sucks. And if that is truly what I will need to do to maintain health but also not fall behind on my work, I don't know if I am prepared or willing to it. One works to live, not the other way around. And a lifestyle of class (or office hours)-homework-bed, would make me go nuts. The opinion of the doctor really started me thinking again, and is yet another reason to take some time and re-evaluate. Perhaps I am just going to have to admit defeat, admit to myself that I am not really a healthy person, and that to be in a high-pressure-cooker job, I will either have to give up my health, or my sanity. And I don't think I really want to do either. What is the point of success and security, if the quality of life sucks?

Life, man. Life.