15+ Hour Days are not My Friend

I had forgotten what having a 15+ hour day was like. It's long. And you feel tired at the end of it. Seriously, though, I don't think I have gotten up at roughly 6 AM for pretty much anything other than catching airplanes since high school. And even in airplanes, I am able to catch up some of the sleep. No, other than my work last summer, I haven't had an honest-to-god, straight-through-from 0-dark-hundred-until late-at-night day since high school -- even when I had my job in Manhattan last summer, I didn't get up that early. And I sure as hell haven't ever gotten up that early for any school-related thing since high school. Ah, the life of a college+ student.

Anyway, it is tiring. I had to get up at the crack of dawn this morning due to an 8AM cardiology appointment at Stanford. Once upon a time I had heart defects corrected in infancy by pediatric cardiology doctors at Stanford. As a kid I used to go in for check-ups fairly regularly, although as I got older they became more spaced out. Now I am pretty much on the ten-year-check-in plan, and this year the ten years was up (actually, turned out to be more like 11. When I went in today they called over the pediatric cardiology department to try to get the records from my last echocardiogram, but apparently since it was more than ten years ago --2002-- they didn't have them, or something... 'K). For a variety of reasons, I got the first appointment of the day. Since I had never been to this department before (at least that I can remember), I left myself plenty of time to get lost (which, kind of on accident, I actually didn't get lost). Plus rush hour traffic from where my parents live up to Stanford is a bitch, so I wanted to leave plenty of time to get there. It all worked out, I was right on time. So I went, and had the test done, and was done in an hour. Incidentally I have to go back for my other test and actual appointment with a cardiologist next week, again at 8AM. So another early day for me!

I think I may have been a bit loopy when I was at the echo lab. If you have never had one, basically a technician rubs a bunch of gel stuff on the chest, and waves over it with some kind of rolly probe thing, that somehow produces an image of the heart. If you've ever seen a pregnant woman go through an ultrasound, it's basically that. But the tech has to kind of be quiet and concentrate on getting all the needed images, so not much chit-chat happens (although this tech was actually a very nice Southern woman who called me "kiddo."). But for the most part I was left to my own thoughts. For context: I had gotten up early, after not getting a good night's sleep at all due to a pounding headache (headaches: seriously, fuck those guys). So I was probably a bit sleep deprived, and one thing that commonly happens when I am sleep deprived, is I get a bit loopy. Namely, I start thinking really random (and sometimes inappropriate) things are the funniest shit ever. That kind of happened today. I don't know how it popped into my head --maybe because I was sitting in a cardiology office in a hospital-- but I started thinking about heart transplants (no, I never had any of those). And then I thought about, what if the obligatory hospital gift shop sold t-shirts to transplant patients that said "I left my heart in Stanford, CA." I thought this was clever, and it didn't immediately occur to me that no, no in fact that would be a very bad idea (n.b.: I might actually be a horrible person). So lesson: sleep deprivation does not agree with me, because no sleep = no filters. At least I didn't say any of this out-loud.

Not pictured: A good t-shirt idea

Hopefully earning back some extra karma points after the really bad t-shirt idea, the next (and significantly less awful) idea to pop into my head was that "hey! So I used a lot of blood 'n stuff for my surgery, maybe I should pay back my debt, and go donate blood!" I used to donate blood fairly frequently to Stanford while I was still living full-time in California, and then in college was actively involved in blood donation organization. But in the last year I haven't really donated much, mostly due to the fact that I was sick all the time last year. In fact, when I went to the donation center, their records indicated I hadn't donated there since 2010. Incidentally though, the next time I donate to Stanford, whenever that will be, I will have donated 1 gallon or something. So apparently they track these things. To be honest, I don't really enjoy the process of donating blood -- the whole blood drawing thing honestly really freaks me out. But it's the right thing to do, and I have a particular debt in this regard. Luckily, I think my blood flows fast or something, because I am usually done with the actual blood drawing in like 10 minutes. Today I think it was under 10. And this is where my PSA comes in: If you at all can, please donate blood. There is always a need, and always a shortage. Your 15 minutes could help people like me not die. I will post links to a few of the blood centers I have donated to at the end of this post, for your information.

Image courtesy of adsoftheworld.com and is not my own.

And finally, I ended the day by doing something that I have been meaning to do for literally years. Namely, I hauled my butt to the California DMV to get an updated license photo (my license expires in September, and since I may or may not be back in CA before then, I figured now was as good a time as any). I have been needing to do this since at least the latter half of college. My license photo was taken for my permit when I was barely 15; I look like I am 12 in it. It was getting to the point that the photo was so old that the license was really starting to look like a fake (I had made the DMV appointment before leaving Chicago, but coincidentally when I was at the Phoenix airport, the guy that checks licenses at the security checkpoint commented on the outdated nature of my license. I took this as a sign from the universe that I was doing the right thing. N.B.: If you ever have to go to California DMV, making an appointment ahead of time is the way to go-- my wait time versus those without an appointment was significantly less. You can make an appointment here.) So, getting a license that actually looks like me: cool. Not cool? Pop written drivers test. I don't know why, because they never required this when I just have had my license automatically renewed via mail, but when I went to get my picture taken, I was told I would have to take the written portion of the drivers test! Holy shit. I was not prepared for this. I took the exam in my hand and stared at it in fear. I think it was partially the shock and panic of having the thing sprung on me, but except for the BAC content question, I blanked when looking at the questions as to the right answers. Luckily, they let you read the DMV Drivers Handbook at the center before taking the test; all I had to do was turn my test back in without taking it, grab a copy of the handbook, and sit for 40 minutes flipping through it to refresh my recollection as to the rules. After I did that, they gave me the test back and I took it, passing. In all actuality, once I had calmed down from my freak-out and looked at the questions, all but a few were pretty straight-forward, and could have been answered from both common sense and experience. So that was fun. But I do get a new license. Huzzah!

That's about it for today. In all honesty, I am pretty freaking tired, and will be retiring to bed now. But, as today reminded me, it's amazing how much you can get done in a day when it starts early.

Blood Donation Centers I have used:

California (Northern):

• Stanford Blood Center
• Blood Centers of the Pacific

Illinois (Chicagoland):

• LifeSource Blood Center

Nationwide:

• American Red Cross

Epiphany

Last night, instead of going to sleep at a reasonable time, I read my high school's alumni magazine. One thing you need to understand: I did not go to your typical American high school. I went to a small, private, all-girls school. The hijinks that went on there could fill a damn book (and I was hardly even in on a majority of what went down on any given day). It was an experience. And I wouldn't have traded any of it for anything. After a rough first year, it turned out to have been the best time of my life. Yes, including when I consider college.

Anyway, I have a certain fondness for those 4 years. A lot has changed at the school since I graduated 6 years ago (damn, already? I am getting old. Old , I tell you), and not all of it for the better, or so I hear. But those four years -- with a unique cast of characters -- will always hold a special place in my memory. I cannot help but laugh when I think about the past.

So, if you couldn't tell from the above, I have a certain nostalgia for the place and the time I was there. Reading the alumni magazine always kind of gets me -- a little pang or twinge of sadness, because obviously the past can never be re-had or recreated.

But last night, I realized it was something else that made me a little sad. To be blunt, I like the person I was a hell of a lot more than I like the current version of my self. Or to put it another way, I would be embarrassed to have people who knew me in high school, see me now. A few select individuals in particular.

For one, I have gained weight. More than I would have liked. College and law school have pretty much seen to that. Whenever I get busy and stressed, have a lot to do, my own physical and mental health are the first to be sacrificed. I literally haven't seen the inside of a gym in two years. I didn't do much gym-ing in high school, but I did play soccer, and generally stayed fairly active. So there's that. I don't look as good as I did then. I look older, and not in a good way. But I guess this is a common gripe for people, particularly around reunion times.

On a deeper level, I don't think I am as likable as a person. I am way more aggressive and frankly bitchy than I was in high school. I definitely had my moments of bitchiness in high school, but I wasn't as prone to rants and aggressive, bombastic statements and behavior as I am now. Plus, I think I am just in general more grouchy. I don't know if I can consider myself "nice." I was "nice" in high school. I don't know exactly why this change happened -- it happened midway through college. But, I realized last night that I would be embarrassed for the people who knew me then, to know the "now" me. I wish I could be more like 17 or 18-year-old Kristin.

I don't know whether to accept this new me or try to revert back to what I was like in high school. I don't know if I really could. But I do know that I have lost something in the 6 years since I graduated. I am back in California now; I could reach out to people to hang out, but honestly, I am a bit afraid to. I would rather them remember me as I was, than see me as I am now. Reading the alumni magazine just kind of reminded me of everything I have lost, on a lot of levels.

So after my epiphany last night, I have decided to try to be a kinder, chill-er me, like I was then. But honestly I don't know if it is possible for me to go back that way. And it depresses the hell out of me.

Here's a Youtube clip for a Bruce Springsteen song, Glory Days. It seems kind of appropriate here:

So that's about it. Sorry for the downer of a post.

California Again

I am sitting here, again back at my parents' house in California. While I was away, they redid the kitchen. It looks really nice, but I have to say that it is a little weird to see the kitchen I grew up with like, disappeared. Flight from Arizona was uneventful, which is the best kind of flight, really. I have to say, the Phoenix airport is like, really nice. In terms of non-crappy shops and eateries. They had a Brighton Collections store. But it kind of has a stupid name -- Phoenix "Sky Harbor." It kind of sounds like a poorly-conceived base for superheroes in a comic book or something.

So here I am, looking towards a pretty uneventful week. Which is nice. It's my parents' wedding anniversary on Tuesday, so I am trying to think what I can get the both of them that is under $100. And I am trying to be more original than a bottle of champagne, even if it would be a nice bottle. So that is probably my mission for tomorrow, amongst some other more mundane errands.

Not going to lie, one of my most favorite parts of coming back to California is getting to see my parents' dog, Coco. Coco (aka Kokomo... don't ask, it's kind of complicated) is an adorable 9-year-old German-Shepard/Golden Retriever mix. He is a very sweet dog, but bless his heart, he is not the smartest of animals. Is actually the only dog I have ever known that legitimately chases his tail. It's kind of awesome to watch. If I ever catch him in the act I will try to capture it on video and upload it. But he is just a real sweetie. If you have read this blog, then you know I LOVE PUPPIES (aka Doggies). So I pretty much spent the first ten minutes I was home cuddling the puppy. :-) I miss having a doggie, but it was gratifying to know that after 9 month, Coco still remembered me.

Coco, the cutie puppy

And because I love dogs, and because I use any excuse to add doggie videos to this blog, in honor of being around one again, here is a posting of my favorite Youtube doggie video. I know, it is old news, as many people know about Mishka the Talking Husky. But even though it is an oldie, it is a goodie.

Apparently, Huskies can do this because they howl, they don't bark

On a completely unrelated note, I rediscovered the best scene from the Ben Stiller movie, Tropic Thunder. It is played for you below:

Seriously, Tom Cruise should have gotten an Oscar for his performance in that movie -- he was definitely the best and strongest part of that film. Also, after having seen this movie and the more recent Rock of Ages, I am pretty convinced that Tom Cruise is at his best when he plays completely crazy, over-the-top, off-the-wall characters. He does it so well, and so convincingly. It's kind of awesome. And I personally like this clip because, other than being hilarious, it is actually kind of cathartic: if I am really pissed off at someone, I can just play this clip and pretend that I am Tom Cruise/Less Grossman, and the person that I am pissed at is Flaming Dragon. :). So there's that.

Also, as a bonus, this clip:

That's about it for today. Not much to report, and I realize the post was kind of random, but am trying to get back into a semi-regular blogging pattern, even if only for spring break.

A Very Long Hiatus... also, Arizona

So, I realize it has been a long, long time since I posted. Like several months. Such is the life of the law student (yes, I am still here and still trekking through). I think that this blog is something I will have to do when I am on vacation and working during the summer (i.e. when I don't have a million things to do at 5pm when I get home from school). In theory, once I have a regular job and am a full-blown "real person" (oh happy day when that happens. seriously.), I can blog more regularly after work, like I did when I was in New York.

So here is the Sparknotes version of my life in the last 5 or 6 months:

Went through OCI. Got two callbacks, no job offers. Spent the next several months looks for a summer job. Lots of straight-up rejections, lot of interviews and then no offers. Went through a mini-crisis in January re: being a lawyer again (not as bad as last year) because I wasn't finding a job and started freaking out that I had made a terrible mistake and would never be employable.

Found a job -- and a good job -- at DOJ in Washington, D.C. for the summer. WIll be unpaid, but what it lacks in funding I hope it will make up for in putting fancy things on my CV. And no, I cannot blog about my work this summer. As with last summer, the information is confidential.

Finished my comment for law journal. Almost didn't. Due to confidence crisis (see above), I starting doubting my ability to do it, or whether it was even worth it. Plus, all the time I thought I would have during the fall was taken up with trying to find aforementioned job. Was late with the first draft (real late), but ended up sticking with it and got it turned in. Am glad I did. Don't think it will get published due to the lateness issue, but c'est la vie. In a weird way, though, I think blowing that first deadline epically was good for me. I tend to be a rather type-A, uptight person, particularly about things like time and deadlines. I think growing up, I put a lot of pressure on myself in those respects, more than someone my age should have. To quote Ferris Bueller's Day Off, if you had stuck a lump of coal up my ass, in two weeks you would have had a diamond. Not that riding the ragged edge of irresponsibility like I did is really something I want to (or plan to) do again, but I think letting myself fail and blow something important off -- and seeing that the world didn't end when I did -- was good for my mental health. But, as they say, once is enough.

Didn't go home for Christmas. Parents came to Chicago instead. Then went to Michigan to visit my dad's family for the actual holiday. For a variety of reasons I won't get into. It was fun, because I had never experienced the Christmas season in Chicago before. But it was a little weird. I have never not been in California for Christmas, and it means that when I go to my parents' house for Spring Break tomorrow, it will have been like 8 or 9 months since I was last there. I guess it is just another sign that I am "growed up" and making an adult life for myself. I was even discussing with my mother when and how I should start thinking about packing up my room in California. Weird.

That's pretty much it. I still don't know where I am going to be after I graduate, and since I didn't land an OCI job, I doubt I will for a while.

But, I am not going to worry about that now. Right now, I am sitting on a deck in a hotel room in Scottsdale, AZ., where I rendez-vous'd with my parents before we head back home. Do you have any idea what it is like to go from a place that is like 30 degrees, grey, with freezing rain, to a place that is 80 degrees at night and clear skies, in a few hours? I am like dying over here. On the other hand, sitting by the pool reading was nice, and something I haven't done for about a million years. And I forgot that weather in March can *not* suck. So there's that.

In parting, I am leaving the following youtube clip. I feel like it goes with some of the sentiment in this post. And, it's an awesome song. I will continue to post a few times in the next two weeks, and then it will probably be radio silence again until my job starts in May. So without further ado:

Suck it, Chicago